Tulisa Contostavlos, You’re a Moron

It must be near election time, all the usual stories creep out of the wood work, from ill conceived gaffs suddenly blown into national significance to idiot popstars whose barely intelligible views are represented as speaking for their generation. This election Tulisa from N-Dubz has been appointed spokesman for the yoof, which is worrying for two reasons, firstly it means someone, somewhere believes a person that incoherent and that stupid should be a spokesman for anyone, secondly it means someone, somewhere honestly believes that she is representative of the 18-25 year old bracket.

She begins by arguing that Politicians, for here they are a homogenous group of faceless individuals, have done nothing to reach out for her vote. Odd really, given that one of Labour’s election pledges is to offer a job or training to everyone under 25 who has not been in either for more than 6 months. But then poor Tulisa wouldn’t know if that was the case because “Knowing about politics seems to be a bit like learning a foreign language - unfortunately it is one I was never taught.” Yes, lucky I caught those lessons on how to speak and read that tricky English language the politicians use, because without it I’d be quite lost. So firstly its Politicians’ fault for not reaching out to her, but even if they did she wouldn’t understand because apparently English is beyond her, which if you’ve read even a page of the N-Dubz book you’d know is quite possibly true.

But have no fear because Tulisa has some suggestions to fix all these problems. Firstly politicians should flyer outside clubs, because that’s a place where people really want to think about politics, and everyone knows the most read form of literature are flyers. Secondly Tulisa believes there should be some TV programme or website that explains in simple terms how elections work and who the parties are. BY GOD, WHAT GENIUS, its such a brilliantly simple idea that its already done by thousands of sites, including voteforpolicies.org.uk that presents part manifestos in easy to read chunks and lets you judge the parties side by side. Alternatively, why doesn’t Tulisa read the fucking paper she is writing in, I mean it’s the Sun so it’s not exactly hard to read and it does write about politics. It even analyses the Chancellor’s debate on Channel 4, and better yet, its published daily so you can keep up to date all the way until election day. It’s almost like someone, somewhere is making it incredibly easy to keep informed, as if to be truly ignorant of politics actually requires effort. In fact from accusing Tulisa of laziness, as she fears people might, I think she is the perfect example of active apathy. The willingness to push beyond normal ignorance of politics and delve deeper, to actually rid yourself of all willingness to learn. Tulisa has decided to turn how own uselessness into a virtue, now she defends the rights of all morons to remain morons, as if resistance to reading a paper is a good thing. Tulisa is not actually retarded, she hasn’t grown up in a third world country, she’s been taught to read and write, there is only one person to blame for her ignorance, her apathy, and her myopia, herself. Tulisa get over yourself, read a paper, google how an election works, read some Wikipedia pages, whatever, just stop fucking whining.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/columnists/2915566/Tulisa-Kids-who-dont-vote-need-MPs-help-the-most.html

A Day That Will Live In Infamy

It’s a momentous day, one that will be remembered for decades, perhaps for all the wrong reasons. It’s the day when Scrabble allowed proper nouns. No longer is it a game of linguistic skill, no longer a way to teach children words and spelling, no longer an excuse to have an oversized vocabulary, now it’s just another hollow reminder of everything that’s wrong with modern life.

To allow proper nouns is a breach of the very ethos of the game, scoring points for lesser used letters, except that they are far more commonly used in proper nouns because of their rarity. Not only that but now any word that can be spelled is potentially allowable if you can name a product, person or place referred to by it. Not only that but Hasbro announced there would be “no hard and fast rule over whether a proper noun was acceptable”, so no more even adjudication by a dictionary then. Instead we have a malaise of incoherent rules and arguments over how many modern misspellings of names are allowable.

Worse still is the revelation that this has come about to encourage younger people to play the game. Frankly younger people can piss off if they can’t be bothered to use real words, what next, fucking text speak?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8604625.stm