#GE2015 - A Foot Soldier's Perspective

Labour’s campaign was supposed to be a ground war. A pavement pounding, door knocking, promise gathering army of volunteers was going to drive high turnout and sweep Ed Miliband to power on the core vote, disaffected Lib Dems and newly mobilised young voters. In the end thousands of tired, sore footed volunteers were left staring wide eyed as an impossible exit poll gradually becoming undeniable reality. The party’s message found no traction outside of London and a handful of other gains, was swept from its Scottish heartlands and bafflingly suffered losses in traditionally safe seats like Morley and Gower.

Labour has a significant volunteer and man power advantage over the Conservatives, the membership is larger, younger, and more active. It should translate into a powerful tool for getting out the vote and creating a personal connection between voters and the party. Instead strong local campaigns floundered in marginal constituencies, with Labour frequently going backwards as in Hastings and Nuneaton. The Labour party had 5 million conversations but what did they talk about? From my experience, efforts focussed on gathering commitments to vote Labour in stronghold areas with a view to driving election day turnout. This had built on the core vote strategy for the party, a strategy built around a belief that Lib Dem losses would slide to red and UKIP would mainly damage the Conservative vote. Both assumptions were brutally wrong but focussing on Labour promises drove a party group think that expected gains and ignored the frequent doorstep criticisms of Ed Miliband as a leader and the party’s stances on immigration and the EU. In the end there was simply not enough vote to turnout as traditional Labour demographics switched to UKIP in significant numbers and too many don’t knows turned into won’t votes or incumbent votes by default.

From the limited interaction I’ve had, the technology that forms the bedrock of Labour’s ground campaign does not help. Its simplistic reporting of preference does not translate to the complexities of voting decisions, it encourages an overly optimistic reporting of Labour vote and it is not accessible enough to produce analysis of voting preference or switches in mood. Perhaps it is notable that when it was lauded in the Guardian, it was in reference to Southampton Itchen one of several Conservative gains from Labour. Any use of the tool also relies on consistent contact with huge numbers of voters. Due to relying on volunteers, the low answer rate for door knockers and people’s common refusal to discuss preferences the required level of contact is only possible for designated battleground seats where help is bussed in. Given the huge amount of preference data in the system and the demographic data available elsewhere it should be more than possible for campaigns to be run smarter as well as just harder. It is also an issue where access to the system is only allowed after training but the data collection itself is not as controlled. The data will only be useful if it is gathered consistently, not just entered consistently.

A huge amount of effort and physical work from volunteers went into a huge number of campaigns that went nowhere and amongst the disappointment and deflation of defeat there is a real danger of those volunteers drifting away from politics in general and Labour specifically. If the party is to mount a more successful ground war in the future those volunteers need to be maintained and engaged. Community events, issue campaigns and local level casework will help build a foundation of local support for any future campaign.

But all this work will be for nothing if the national message from Labour fails again. The campaign, and the last 5 years of opposition, simply did not communicate a compelling message to voters. There were consistently encountered complaints about immigration and the EU, Labour’s economic record and Ed Miliband as a leader. However the response to them was not to engage with the complaint but to look towards Labour sympathisers and seek revalidation that Labour’s answer was the right one. Perhaps social media’s biggest contribution to this campaign was to exacerbate the group think around the political left. People have allowed themselves to succumb to an echo chamber that lazily accepts and promotes their views. A chamber that hates the Tories, loves Ed Miliband, and sees signs of economic and social failure everywhere. It was this collective affirmation that allowed Ed Miliband to survive as leader despite consistent ballot box failure throughout his tenure.

Labour may be a party in favour of immigration but its former core demographic is not. The message about preventing the damage from immigration by controlling labour markets, increasing and protecting the minimum wage, and legislating against importing low paid workers simply did not fly. It was too distant, too theoretical and too clever to connect. To the voters I spoke with it felt like a different point was being answered. They complained about the flooded basement and were told how to fix the leaky roof. The connection may seem obvious to us and to the echo chamber, but to many it was simply dodging the question. Labour failed to sell the connection, and failed to highlight that Cameron’s economic recovery was built on increased immigration. It was the key contradiction of the campaigns. Labour wanted to protect wages and had no problem with immigration, Conservatives wanted to raise GDP and restrict immigration. I don’t believe there is an easy answer to this issue because there is no restriction on immigration compatible with Labour’s core values and there is seemingly no end to voter’s frustration with the issue. People feel there is a deep change happening to this country as its identity changes with increased immigration. In London where there have been large immigrant communities and a huge number of languages spoken on the streets for decades UKIP cannot get a foothold and Labour was able to win from the Tories. Elsewhere communities unused to the change they feel were given no security by Labour and voted UKIP or Tory in their droves.

On the economy, voters simply did not see the same picture that so many in the party saw. Headline figures of GDP and employment growth masked all other factors and the Tories successfully drowned out other issues as nay saying or anti British negativity. The cost of living crisis wasn’t translated into the simple struggle to pay the bills that many experienced. There does not seem to have been a popular hatred of zero hours contracts for Labour to tap into, or people didn’t feel that banning them was the answer. The economy has been a polling disaster for Labour since the crash and history shows that parties not trusted on the economy find it hard to win power. The constant reference to the 1% simply made no headway, it was too wonkish, the stable of an internet meme not a winning political party. The idea remains right, Labour should want to redistribute the economy and proposing an asset or wealth tax of some kind will be the right side of that debate historically but this has to be phrased in a way that appeals better to people’s sense of fairness. At the moment it seems too many buy into the idea that Labour are against aspiration. The appointment of Ed Balls as Shadow Chancellor was a huge and costly error, his ousting may have been a painful moment and Parliament is weaker for losing a man of his intellectual calibre but it may be a blessing in disguise for Labour. His and Ed Miliband’s deep connections to the Brown chancellorship hurt the party again and again during the campaign. Attempts to explain that the global financial crisis was beyond their control felt like an avoidance of responsibility. Had the party had a stronger leader, and a shadow chancellor better able to articulate the view, then they could have argued that their policies before the crash were right but given the team they had, and Balls’ perceived arrogance, they would have been better to accept fault and move on regardless of the truth of the matter. This party has now lost two elections because of their 2007 financial policy and it is time to accept they have lost the argument in the public mind. An election campaign is not a time to teach macro-economic theory to a deeply unreceptive audience. The only answer at this stage is to completely move on from the team of advisors, economists and politicians associated with that policy. In the meantime it is perhaps worth reflecting on the lack of voter engagement needed to install a figure so disliked that he could not even retain his seat into the second most important opposition role.

On the economy, but also across policy areas, Labour never shook the impression many have that the Coalition was a competent government. I think everyone on Twitter will have seen a list like this  or this at some point but how many of them were mentioned when talking to voters? For instance I heard not one mention of food banks despite their increased use being at the heart of the Labour campaign. That is not to say it isn’t a worthy thing to campaign on, but it has to be asked why the punch didn’t land. Perhaps a more negative campaign would have helped, perhaps a campaign more grounded in individual’s lives. A single person using a food bank may have more impact than being told a million do.

It is with genuine sadness that I am also forced to reflect on Ed Miliband’s personal failure. He is, I think, a good man. He seems to genuinely believe in a progressive agenda for improving the UK and has proposed a great many brave and worthy ideas but his failure to promote himself as a leader has cost Labour dearly. Nowhere more so than in Scotland where the firebrand authenticity of Alex Salmond and the calm steel of Nicola Sturgeon were telling contrasts to his hesitant, awkward style. That comparison hurt him even in England and Wales as the Tories ruthlessly exploited the command gap by portraying a future Ed Miliband PM as beholden to his SNP rivals. From the moment Ed Miliband reacted with shock and terror at being elected leader to his reedy Hell Yes he has struggled for command and power when talking. It is depressing that it should make such a difference but politicians’ careers can be predicted on three attributes Voice, Persona and Policy (and by voice I mean their speeches and talking style). Ed was never helped by his brother to overcome his persona problem, if David had ever joined him on the front bench or supported him it would have killed the stab in the back myth that persists to this day. Ed won a fair contest, but he was never able to shake the illusion that he in some way screwed his brother over and it hurt his image and was brought up on the doorstep even 5 years later. On policy he was strong, but his speeches were betrayed by his style. He always appeared to be second guessing his own sentences until he remembered his training to be passionate at which point he would lurch awkwardly into fist pumping staccato intellectualism. His phrases never stuck, having tried predatory capitalism, one nation, and zero zero economy, amongst others, none formed a key theme for the campaign.

Even the commitments he made were phrased in the nervous uncommitted style of his speech. There was a promise to “Strengthen” the minimum wage, not raise or enforce but the entirely meaningless “strengthen”. His infamously written in stone pledges, leaving aside the fact that the 6^th was awkwardly added mid campaign after not being included on the actual pledge card, contained not a single genuine policy commitment. It made the #EdStone so much worse that none of them are written in language that could even be checked against in five years. ‘A Strong Economic Foundation’ is not a rising economy or falling unemployment, it’s not even a strong economy. It is a meaningless phrase in a campaign that was all too full of them. This is only made more baffling by the good reception most announced policies received. The removal of the non dom status in particular got fantastic coverage and looked to be winning the campaign until it was shunted from news schedules by Fallon’s personal attack on Miliband and never heard from again. All through the campaign I saw and agreed with mockery of Lynton Crosby’s two issue campaign from Labour sources, but that focus gave clarity to voters that the Labour party could not give them. Ultimately voters ask themselves why they would vote for a party, what vision can they project, what goals do they propose? The Conservatives gave a clear answer, promising economic security and strong leadership. Labour produced six vague sentences carved into an 8 foot slab of limestone.

In Scotland this failure to provide clarity helped an SNP surge. Sturgeon could not have been clearer in her anti austerity rhetoric even if her policies were decidedly more aligned. Miliband always minded his words and could offer no resistance when the SNP decided they were a genuinely left wing party for social justice and nuclear disarmament. Labour should not fool themselves into thinking this is purely a result of the referendum campaign, the wheels were set in motion far earlier with the SNP’s crushing victory in the 2011 Scottish Parliamentary elections which allowed them to hold the referendum in the first place. However, that referendum campaign positioned Labour as part of a Westminster bloc that opposed the fundamental political principles of a socialist Scotland. It is hard to see how a campaign that could have stopped the SNP would have been economically conservative enough to survive in England so it is easy why Labour struggled so desperately to match the SNP. But it now has to examine how it can ever win back Scottish hearts and minds whilst continuing to appeal to England and Wales. That Labour lost so comprehensively north of the border but lose only two shadow cabinet members, one from Shadow Secretary of State for Scotland, suggests another, deeper, problem with Scotland’s relationship to the party’s leadership.

The Labour party is now in a tough bind. It must select a new leader quickly or Cameron and Sturgeon will frame a national debate without them, but it must also take its time to take a genuine look at what happened and what to do next. An honest, public debate is deeply needed not just to identify the right way to move forward but the right person to do it as well. Whichever way the party goes, they and the country need clarity. Cameron faces a challenging second term with major issues to be resolved on a small majority, so strong purposeful opposition is vital for all our sakes.

Of course, having written two and half thousand words on why Labour lost, it’s important to remember that two parties also won, the Conservatives and the SNP. A huge part of rebuilding the Labour party will come from questioning how and why they won and seeing what can be replicated within the confines of Labour, but maybe that’s an unnecessarily long blog post for another day.

Turn Dartford Red on May 7th

The upcoming election is crucial for Dartford locally and nationally. The next Council administration and next MP will have defining impacts on Dartford's future as long standing issues come to a head over the next term. 

Coming central Government infrastructure decisions will have a huge bearing on the future of the town. Paramount Park will bring in tourism and jobs but apply increased transport pressure, the new Thames crossing looms over the town threatening yet more lorries, cars and polluted air, and South Eastern’s rail franchise is up for renewal again in 2018 with the highest rates of customer dissatisfaction in the country. Each of the decisions on these issues will affect Dartford residents’ daily lives and it is vital that Dartford has a strong voice trying to influence them.

The current MP, Gareth Johnson, has let his constituents down time and again on these vital matters. His failure to decisively push for a crossing elsewhere led to the decision being postponed until after the election. When he finally secured a debate on rail services in Kent he led with his personal concerns over the availability of Wi Fi on trains instead of discussing delays or missed stations, and failed to fact check the issues raised by constituents. The prospective Labour candidate Simon Thomson has already met the CEO of South Eastern and pushed commuter’s real concerns as a priority for the company. Even as a candidate he has been more forceful and successful in pushing the interests of Dartford than Gareth Johnson.

If Dartford’s views are to be listened to, this town needs a more effective representative than its current invisible MP but there is more than that affecting Dartford. This year the town was finally put out of its misery by Tesco as the retail giant abandoned its Lowfield Street development plans. The decade long catalogue of failure from Dartford Borough Council’s Conservative/Resident Association coalition has left a mutilated town centre boarded up with mocking signs asking for patience. Having left the town at the complete mercy of Tesco’s failing business model, the Council leadership are now speaking out to voice their anger. If only they had been this wise and this angry a decade ago when they let Dartford fall into this trap.

Following the development of Bluewater, the Town Centre was always going to need a clear plan and strong leadership to survive but the Tories and Resident’s Association have completely failed to protect the businesses, homes and people of Dartford. Dartford needs a new vision for its Town Centre now, and only Labour have offered a local manifesto of substance with their key policies for the area. More than that, only Labour are generating ideas and interest in the possibilities for Lowfield Street.

Elsewhere, the Resident’s Association members dutifully align with the Conservatives on every vote, not just failing to promote the interests of Swanscombe and Greenhithe but actively voting against those interests when their Conservative partners demand it.

Even the Conservatives’ apparent victories have come at great cost. They lauded themselves for planning to build new council houses but held off on starting the development until more stock had been sold off. Now the houses will simply replace recently lost homes and fail to deal with the increasing housing crisis which resulted in yet more tax payer money being sunk into emergency accommodation for families that have been failed by this Council.

Dartford needs a change in administration to try and fix the issues the Conservatives are all too happy to accept. The Council Leader’s braying triumphalism at a ‘job well done’ is in stark contrast to a town facing challenges that a new swimming pool and bandstand are simply not going to fix. The MP’s ‘opposition’ to the infrastructure and planning threats to Dartford have failed to have any impact on the Government he was part of.

Don’t accept more years of failure dressed up as success, don’t accept that the scarred town centre, clogged roads and delayed trains are the best this town can do. Elect the candidate that will care for this town and the councillors who will fight for this community. Vote Labour on May 7^th, for Dartford and for yourself. 

Reflections on... Bray Wyatt

Imagine if the writers of a drama series rewrote their series finale to turn a good character evil just because they were disliked by fans. Or if a soap used the off screen travails of their actors as part of on screen storylines. Or if a struggling sci fi show used the studio heads who wanted to cancel the series as characters within their own show and had their fictional characters battle them.

It is almost impossible to conceive of a written show reactively so dramatically to the whims, preferences and maddening inconsistencies of their fans. It does, however, exist. In the world of professional wrestling the fans frequently tell their masters, the writers, exactly how they expect the product to be produced and, with most the major shows broadcast live in front of thousands of fans, they have the power to force their changes. Think for a second on how it would change your viewing experience if there was a live studio audience on Eastenders that was allowed to boo, cheer, chant and otherwise disrupt the show as much as they wished. Which storylines would have been changed, cut, or lengthened on the strength of their reaction?  Wrestling is a merciless environment that brutally exposes those unable to command an audience and where the writers are directed by fans.

In recent times the rise of the smart, internet savvy, fan has made the crowds at wrestling events more mutinous than ever. They cheer who they want and they boo who they want and there is little that can be done about it. Frequent champion and consistent good guy John Cena knows this better than anyone. While he has been presented as a good guy, an all American, morally straight wrestling fan who succeeds through sheer strength of character, Cena has entered arenas to walls of boos nearly every night for years. Recently fans made up a new song. It’s pretty simple, they just sing ‘John Cena Suuuuuccccckkkkks’ repeatedly in time to his theme music. All he can do is smile a rueful smile and shrugs his shoulders at their antipathy. For a while WWE has presented this as ‘controversy’ rather than outright rejection, at least in part because their hands are tied when it comes to Cena. For, while the adult fans may hate his character, he is the most popular wrestler amongst children possibly since the days of Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior. Not only that but John Cena the man has become so blurred with John Cena the character that it is impossible for many adults, and nearly all child fans, to unpick the two. While the character Cena is booed for being an unapologetically nice guy, the man Cena is universally hailed for his relentless pursuit of other’s happiness, he remains the most requested, and most prolific wish granter, in the history of the Make a Wish foundation. He is such a famously good guy off screen that on screen he has become too predictable one note.

For years the WWE has struggled with this fundamental question: how do they portray Cena as the hero while thousands of fans vocally treat him like the villain? They may have finally answered that problem, and their solution is a character named Bray Wyatt.

Bray Wyatt is a relatively new character, he only debuted just under a year ago, and yet he is already pushing at the boundaries of the WWE’s relationship with its fans. Taking the Southern Gothic tradition and building it into a wrestling character was a risk, in the new WWE world of blurred realities and shades of grey it could have been too cartoony to survive. However Windham Rotunda, who plays Bray Wyatt, has chosen to underplay the hoodoo elements of the literary strand and instead created a wild eyed preacher like character who is dominant and charismatic but not magical. He spouts almost idiotic nonsense but with meanings so subtle and conniving that they can only have come from an intelligent brain. He is teamed with two hulking power house wrestlers who are in his thrall and fight most of his battles for him. He often reacts to his opponents’ violence with bursts of manic laughter, proud at how they cannot counter him intellectually. He sometimes sings songs at his opponents to put them off their stride, notably ‘He’s got the whole world in his hands’. At times his character is so on point as to be mesmeric. The problem for most of his contemporaries is that with great performance comes great popularity. The more a wrestler tries to get booed the more they get cheered in appreciation of their attempts. It is a beguiling and frustrating problem for most wrestlers. Not for Bray.

Bray is a cult leader, he may or may not believe he has a higher purpose, but regardless he feeds of the adulation of others. He targets the most popular wrestlers and attempts to expose their hypocritical relationship with the fans. As he assaulted Daniel Bryan, WWE’s most popular wrestler of the day, he yelled “Why aren’t you helping him?” at fans held behind barricades and security staff before ramming their hero into a ring post again. The commentary team and other wrestler’s portray him as a man corrupting the fans, and a threat to the very sanity of the WWE.

After defeating Bryan, Bray shifted into a feud with John Cena. The flagbearer of the WWE and its most hated hero. As their confrontations built Bray tried to convince Cena that all his good guy persona and his legacy of good deeds were a sham, that really Cena was a monster, just like Bray. Cena started the feud his normal cocky, joking self but as Bray continued his psychological war Cena became more afraid, more conflicted and more troubled than we had seen him before.

In their match at Wrestlemania, Bray tried to convince Cena to step over to his side, to the side of violence. Bray begged and begged Cena to break the rules and bring out his violent side. It felt like Bray could win by Pinfall, Submission, or Psychological Trauma. However Cena refused again and again, eventually winning the match. But something else began to happen, not in the ring but in the crowd. At one point, as Bray had taunted Cena, the fansbegan to wave their arms and spontaneously serenade Bray with their own rendition of “He’s got the whole world in his hands”. John Cena, the last good man, may have stuck to his morals and won the match but had he lost something greater?

This song has now become Bray’s calling card and, in his feud with John Cena, it has become the sound of lost souls clinging to Bray’s twisted vision of the world. Being popular doesn’t hurt a villain, like Bray, who intends to lead us astray. When the fans take his side, over the clean living dedication of John Cena, it is not the role of villain and hero being upended but the depredations of a dangerous man pulling an audience down into his moral decay. This effective reshaping of the booing of John Cena has fixed his character not as the fan’s favourite necessarily, but as the man the fans know they should favour. John Cena doesn’t fight Bray Wyatt because he wants to but because he has to break Bray’s spell over the fans. In the weeks since Wrestlemania it has become clearer and clearer that he is losing this battle.

Two weeks ago, the fans were given the choice to decide how many of the Wyatt family John Cena would face in main event match. Overwhelmingly they voted for him to face a 3 on 1 handicap match where he had no chance of victory and, in storyline terms, a high chance of injury. Within the fictional world of wrestling it was the latest injustice heaped upon Cena in his brave stand against the defiling influence of Bray. It led Cena to question the fans directly on the next edition of Raw, why had they done this to him, why did they ignore him when he spoke of the dangers of Bray Wyatt? He was answered by a child choir, his former target demographic now united in tauntingly singing modified lyrics of the whole world in his hands, mocking his values and his former fanbase before Bray Wyatt emerged as their leader. It was the ultimate humiliation for the good guy and it allows the WWE to tell a compelling story of a man standing up for all he believes in, all we should believe in, even as we turn our backs on him.

Bray Wyatt only debuted 11 months ago, John Cena has been booed for years, but WWE is now making a compelling story out of convincing us we’ve all been deceived. As WWE keeps reminding us, we all know Cena is right, we all know Wyatt is a false prophet, but we can’t help but boo the boy scout and sing the preacher’s song. The fans aren’t just part of the story, now we are the story as Bray and Cena battle for our soul. It doesn’t really matter who gets pinned and whose hand is raised in victory on Sunday at Extreme Rules. Ultimately, it only matters who we cheer. Will us fans finally see the light of Cena’s deeds and cheer for him and his honest faith in hard work, or are we beholden to our baser instincts and the siren call of Bray Wyatt’s immoral decay?

Now tell me, what other medium could do story telling like that?

Credit to wrestlingwithtext.com for the gifs.

My Top 50 Films of the 80s

Following my 00’s and 90’s lists I thought I’d complete the set with this decade. Some notes before I start: The only listing films I’ve seen rule makes for some pretty big omissions with this decade (and if I ever get back on LoveFilm I will attempt to rectify that) and this is probably the list that differs most from accepted views. I think this is largely because of the age I was when seeing most of these movies for the first time when they made their biggest impression on me. I should also add that I regard Das Boot as a TV series not a film, otherwise it might have made the top ten if I could have forgiven its length.

50. The Thin Blue Line

I like to think that film is important, that it speaks to people and it influences the world. It’s not always true but it’s undeniably the case with The Thin Blue Line. In the documentary, director Errol Morris calmly and clearly dissects the flaws in the case that convicted Randall Adams of murder in Texas. Using techniques that were to become standard he recreates the crime over and over again, highlighting the differences in testimony and the vital clues they lead to. Adams would be released from jail a year later after serving 12 years for a murder he did not commit. Morris shows the raw power of cinema in this excellently constructed and utterly compelling film.

49. The Breakfast Club

The 80’s is often regarded as the greatest decade of teen films. While I certainly understand that notion, they tend not to speak to me as I am from the wrong generation to really get Eighties teenagers. However The Breakfast Club is the best of that sequence of movies and deserves a place on this list. The stereotypes shown feel a little hokey now, but the interaction between cliquish teens now forced to spend a day in each other’s company speaks to everyone. Contains several of the definitive film moments of the decade, whilst capturing the styles and spirit of the age.

48. Akira

The imagery and concepts at work in Akira are so intense as to make this more an experience than a film at times. Shifts from achingly cool to mind meltingly odd and pulls the audience in all kind of unusual directions. The most famous Anime of all time, and is certainly an outstanding fusion of Japanese sci fi, and dazzling animation however it’s just too odd for me to place higher up the list. Nevertheless it remains required viewing for all fans of cinema.

47. Planes, Trains and Automobiles

In many ways Planes is a somewhat archetypal 80’s comedy, featuring Steve Martin and John Candy playing to type with the kind of easy rapport that actors dream of. There’s nothing in film quite like Steve Martin being unnecessarily angry, or John Candy being accidentally obnoxious, and it’s good to revel in two high quality comedic actors doing what they do best. Like most 80’s comedy there is a heart and a message that may seem corny to our more irreverent times but was the basis for some of the most successful comedies of all time.

46. Blood Simple

Early Coen Brothers and much more appreciated after the fact than at the time. It’s a low budget, down and dirty crime thriller, where the plot rolls on built entirely on lies, mistrust and violence. The characters become believably weighed down under the weight of their own deceptions, twisting and pulling each other further into a darkness of their own making. While the hints of greatness to come are obvious, it’s not just an early film showing promise, there is real quality here and Blood Simple deserves recognition on its own terms.

45. Witness

Rock solid film making. It’s often studied as a perfect example of structure, pacing, and scripting and that shouldn’t be a criticism, in fact there is decent depth here as Harrison Ford’s weathered cop comes to understand and appreciate the Amish community he tries to help.

44. Good Morning, Vietnam

A much more important film than is perhaps recognised. The cinematic fall out from Vietnam was a major part of 80’s film making but Good Morning... is the first film to consider the Vietnamese as people, or indeed as anything more than noises in the trees. It is a valiant attempt to humanise the other victims of a horrific conflict and has much more depth than clips of Williams’ hyperactivity portray.

43. Day of the Dead

It probably doesn’t quite hit the heights of the Dawn of the Dead, this is still a classic horror film. Like all of Romero’s zombie films, the marauding dead are a device to put his human characters under relentless pressure and the drama comes as their humanity cracks and fractures. In this entry in the series Romero portrays a military scientific complex that has lost all connection to the people it is meant to protect. Romero builds to the inevitable chaotic breakdown like no other director, and has the guts to make the zombie feasting genuinely horrific. It also benefits from being filmed when special effects could manage the right tone of realism where it’s enough to be horrific without being disgusting.

42. Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid

Dead Men... is a quite unusual little comedy that combines new footage starring Steve Martin with scenes from classic film noir movies to tell a tale which is part homage, part parody. The result is unique, a lot of fun and fairly indescribable. Well worth seeking out if you can.

41. House of Games

Representing my continuing love for David Mamet’s work this is a highly assured directorial debut. As usual the Mamet dialogue sparkles and it’s a beguiling, twisting plot that I won’t spoil here. In fact I won’t say anything except that you should watch it.

40. The Terminator

It takes a special film to create the kind of legacy that The Terminator has managed. However the first film is a relatively simple chase film with one of the greatest screen villains ever created and introduced with sublime, simple threat.

“Listen, and understand. That terminator is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.”

39. Blade Runner

“Like tears in rain.” Frankly, it’s the greatest death soliloquy ever written for film however the movie is perhaps more important than it is great. I’m not much of a fan of its pacing but, as the first film to really portray cyberpunk aesthetics and ideas in the mainstream, it’s the forefather of a vast body of work. Visually the film is essentially perfect, conjuring an entire future world with both city wide vistas and small visual cues. A plot so well constructed that its still debated decades after its release and one of the great movie scores elevate it too.

38. Silverado

During the 80’s Westerns were largely dead but this is an interesting attempt to revive the genre. Now largely forgotten by history after Unforgiven showed how to truly make a modern Western, it’s a surprising, dramatic, action filled movie that demonstrates the very best of the genre. Its greatest strength is also its weakness, in that it plays as a series of highlights from great Westerns of the past. You have to be a fan of the genre to enjoy it, but, as you can tell from the relatively high placing, I am one.

37. Airplane!

It’s difficult to imagine that air disaster movies were once a major part of Hollywood output, a large part of their downfall was Airplane!’s perfect mockery. However Airplane! is much more than a pastiche of a now dead genre, its unrelenting stupidity is infectiously funny and it may be one of the most quoted movies of all time. It was regarded as a comedy classic but I’ve always seen it as Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker finding their feet. It’s also hard to overestimate the daring risk needed to make a film unlike any other at its release.

36. Beverly Hills Cop

There was a time when Eddie Murphy was a dazzlingly charismatic film actor, capable of carrying an entire series of films on his back. The Beverly Hills Cop films (of which the first is the best by a distance) are quintessential star vehicles; the plot is little more than an excuse to put Murphy in a series of situations he can quip at and providing him with a succession of strait laced characters to mock. It can only work with a star at the peak of their powers like Murphy is here. Not the smartest, most involving or most impassioned film but certainly one of the most enjoyable.

35. Dressed to Kill

In many ways this is a relatively standard thriller where a call girl is threatened by an insane killer. However, sequences at the beginning and end of the film give context to the characters, allowing them to exist beyond the parameters of the genre. Overall it is a film heavier on style than plot but it is a beguiling and different movie, wrangling plenty of entertainment from its twists and turns.

34. Mississippi Burning

A solid exploration of institutional and societal racism in America’s Deep South through the prism of the murder of three civil rights activists where the Ku Klux Klan are suspected. Gene Hackman and Willem Dafoe are superb as the FBI agents pushed to extreme measures to make arrests and crack a conspiracy of silence. The FBI are slightly too well presented, given the actual facts of the case, but it manages to combine drama with the actual story of a horrendous episode in America’s history with race.

33. The Color of Money

This is a curious film where Paul Newman reprises his role of Eddie Felson 25 years after the original movie The Hustler. It’s a classic performance from one of the greatest actors to have ever live, believably picking up the character from the path he stepped onto at the end of the original. Cruise is, for once, well cast as a spectacularly irritating prodigy with no respect for Felson’s advice or rules. The pool itself is rather beautifully shot and the film works superbly as a tale of an old man getting his confidence back. Really worth watching as part of a double feature.

32. Raising Arizona

Nicolas Cage and the Coen Brothers seem a natural fit and this odd film delivers on that promise. It is as relentlessly weird as a film can be whilst retaining a contemporary setting and a fully formed plot. The extreme verbosity is not to everyone’s taste but I really love it. In the end it has been overshadowed by subsequent Coen Brothers movies, but that happens when you have such a ludicrously high standard of films in your back catalogue.  

31. sex, lies and videotape

A surprisingly important film that launched the career of Steven Soderbergh, made Miramax and transformed both the Sundance festival and the American independent scene in general. It’s the kind of sexually frank film that could only be made outside the mainstream but it shouldn’t be ignored as just a film about sex and, in fact, has a lot of truth to say about relationships. Its a subtle plot combined with an emerging genius of a director who displays some tricks but allows the characters to shine. Sex, lies... remains one of the few genuinely significant films in American cinema history that is also a seriously good watch.

30. Ghandi

One of the things Hollywood tends to do rather well is the epic historical biography. Ghandi is simply a film that should be seen by all. It does, unfortunately, follow almost exactly the formula you could predict from its title but its sheer quality outweighs those concerns.

29. The Verdict

Paul Newman is my favourite actor of all time and this film is just one of many reasons why. It’s a courtroom drama unlike any other as a barely functioning lawyer drags a case to court against everyone’s wishes to try and rebuild his career. Its cynical stuff as the system believably conspires against him and attempts to force him into an out of court settlement.

The real genius of the film is to break away from courtroom drama clichés. Newman’s Frank Galvin is not a heroic defender of justice but a desperate alcoholic who sees this case as a way of making his name. He pursues victory in the courts not to rectify a great wrong but to re-establish his name after years of failure. The case is almost before he realises the importance of it for the victim and realises victory is not just for him. His ultimate triumph comes in the face of the law as his key evidence is ruled inadmissible by a judge willing to punish him for pursuing a trial, rendering his entire case unproven. His final appeal to the jury is a man trying to subvert the law he is meant to support and results in a demonstratively incorrect result.

I am a huge fan of courtroom dramas generally, it’s a perfect set up for dramatic revelations, speeches and tension but The Verdict takes these moments and subverts them. Its greatest line sums this up as one lawyer is advised “You never ask a question you don't know the answer to.” It cuts away all the interrogational pretensions of the trial and reveals its scripted nature. A move that no other trial film would date make.

28. Clue

Either the stupidest funny film or the funniest stupid film but Clue is an underrated classic. Its religious devotion to replicating its source material, coupled with the willingness of a cast to sell each and every joke as if their lives depended on it makes it stand out. About the most fun you can have watching a film.

27. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

“This is Dave Beeth Oven, Maxine of Arc, Herman the Kid, Bob “Genghis” Khan. So Crates Johnson, Dennis Frood. And, uh… Abraham Lincoln.”

26. Little Shop of Horrors

This is a pretty good film and then Steve Martin turns up. As film entrances go, it’s up there with Harry Lime. Outside of that Little Shop has cracking songs, fascinatingly odd characters and a bunch of fun cameos. For some reason it feels like it’s fallen through the cracks of cinema history a bit but it is genuinely one of the best comedy musicals you could ever see.

25. Rain Man

Question: How do you make a good film with Tom Cruise in it?

Answer: Cast him as a jerk. (See Money, Color of).

 It’s a formula that works well for a reason and in this case its Hoffman’s classic portrayal of an autistic savant from who Cruise learns valuable life lessons. In all seriousness, this is a fine film that many regard as a classic. Dustin Hoffman is as good as he’s ever been and carries the film.

24. Ghostbusters

More than just a theme tune, this is a perfectly assembled comedy cast delivering really good material. Perhaps the definitive 80’s comedy, it’s a story of dismissed geniuses having their day. Bill Murray is at his very best and Dan Ackroyd is Dan Ackroyd.

23. Evil Dead 2

The film that made Sam Raimi’s career remains one of the oddest and most unusual films you could ever hope to see. Part horror, part comedy but entirely unsettling. It prides itself on keeping the audience off kilter and unsure what to expect. For me it works superbly and was all the better that I had no expectations when I first saw it. Even now, it still stands alone and unlike any other film you could hope to watch. I should also mention the sheer tempo that Raimi keeps up over the film is staggering, one of the most visually kinetic films you could ever hope to see.

22. The Princess Bride

Admittedly it suffers a little in comparison to the book but that shouldn’t diminish one of the most fun films you could hope to see. There are so many classic moments and scenes that it’s difficult to know what to pick out. Perhaps going down the line against a Sicilian? Maybe the sword fight? Maybe every line said by Andre the Giant? Just watch it, then read the book.

21. Little Mermaid

About as classic Disney as it’s possible to get. Doesn’t have the humour or overall quality of Lion King or Aladdin, but I think does have the best songs of any Disney film. Poor Unforunate Souls is an underrated gem.

20. Star Wars Episode 6: Return of the Jedi

It’s best to view the original trilogy outside of the context of the nauseatingly bad later three. In fact, it’s just best to completely ignore the latest trilogy completely. Return… has some of the series’ best moments, and is widely regarded as a classic. From the opening rescue from the Sarlacc the film just keeps on ramping up the personal battles and sweeping space combat. Certainly the best third film in a trilogy ever made.

19. Blues Brothers

They’re on a mission from God. Dan Ackroyd and John Belushi have a ball as they barrel through a jukebox of classic soul and blues. The film is a labour of love for the pair and its chaotic plotting, loose connection with reality and respect for the music make it a unique and highly entertaining experience.

18. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

This is deliriously silly entertainment that really hits a comedy sweet spot with its version of a world where cartoon characters are real and live in a section of Hollywood. It’s also one of the very few films to cross live action and animation well. Bob Hoskins probably had one of the most difficult acting jobs you can imagine, having to portray a developing friendship with an animated character, however he is superb and gives the film its real heart. Elsewhere Christopher Lloyd does what everyone knows he can do and does it rather well.

17. Raging Bull

“You never got me down Ray, you never got me down.” De Niro is at his brutal, brilliant best as he portrays Jake LaMotta in this classic. His animalistic anger and will to fight makes him formidable in the ring but destroys his family life. Amongst Scorsese’s best works, this is a powerful tale of an emotionally broken individual who finds a semblance of meaning in boxing but cannot hold the rest of his life together. I don’t rate this film quite as highly as its reputation would suggest because its subject matter just doesn’t speak to me like the higher rated film but it’s still excellent.

16. Platoon

One of a few Vietnam movies from the 80s but one I would rate highest. It’s the best combination of a realistic portrayal of the war and an examination of what went so wrong for America. Charlie Sheen has rarely been better than as the volunteer quickly losing his innocence about both war and the exulted US army. It’s an intense and polemical film but it’s the war film that Vietnam deserved.

15. The Fly

Jeff Goldblum delivers a career best performance in this science fiction horror classic. It is Cronenburg at his most commercial but he manages to marry this to his normal obsession with doing odd things to the human body. Goldblum’s mind cracks as his body breaks down in a believable portrayal of unimaginable suffering. The film’s greatest trick is to use the body horror and graphic, sickening violence to tell a human story of a man travelling from confidence to arrogance to megalomania and complete breakdown but always allowing this transition to breathe. The horror is used to punctuate the story, instead of a classic horror film where the story is mere decoration on a series of set pieces. Fine, unique film making.

14. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

A film that shows what can be achieved when talented film makers apply themselves to making a fun film. Raiders barrels along at a high pace with great villains, set pieces and a memorable hero. It’s a genuine homage to old adventure serials and you can feel the love invested in every frame.

13. Do the Right Thing

For my money, this is, by a distance, Spike Lee’s best film. It portrays a long, hot, loud day in Brooklyn where tensions escalate to boiling point. While it is ultimately matters of race that cause the final eruption, Lee’s film is careful to make a few points along the way. Firstly, heat, tiredness, and the fundamental pressures of city life are key parts in the escalating hate, alongside racist language. Secondly, Lee is careful that nearly everyone in the film uses racist language or expresses racist thoughts through the film. No group is left innocent, and none escape abuse. The film ends with contradictory quotes on the use of violence from Malcolm X and Martin Luther King, and if violence can be justified remains a central question that it resolutely refuses to answer. Ultimately this is a mature, interesting film about race in America that raises questions as relevant then as they are today. The absurd reaction to its initial release from reviewers showed how unable America was to even confront those questions then, but the continued and growing appreciation of this landmark film shows that maybe America is finally learning to deal with its relationship with race.

12 The Long Good Friday

Bob Hoskins used to act. When he did, he was rather good. There is something pared down and heavy hitting about this tale of gangsters in 80’s London and it barrels along towards its conclusion. Hoskins is an angry, snarling pitbull of a lead character and it’s the energy and believable threat of his performance that drives the story. He is the head of London’s criminal underworld, seeking to expand his empire, who instead watches his power crumble, and his associates die, over the course of a brutal weekend.

Long Good Friday stands alone to me as a realistic portrayal of a London gang, Hoskins leads by charm and by threat, and by maintaining a tenuous peace. When this peace is shattered, old wounds are opened and everyone because a suspect due to the inherent lack of trust amongst the thieves. One of the reasons I love this is that it could only be a British film and could only be made in the 80’s, such is the authenticity of the characters. It’s also notable that, like nearly all my favourite films, it has a supreme ending. A moment of incredible cinematic simplicity, as huge in its impact as it is subtle in its execution, it is utterly peerless.

11. Back to the Future Part 2

10. Back to the Future

Part one is an exceptional film, part two is very nearly as good. Whilst they are both light in tone it’s almost impossible to believe that two films of such consummate skill, pacing and tone were made. Both are close to the very pinnacle of family film making in a decade where such films were commonplace and often very good. The series made Michael J Fox into the huge star he deserved to be and created the idea of time travel comedy that exists to this day.

Part one takes the concept, explains it and has a lot of fun with Fox in the wrong era and some 50’s culture clash comedy but part two just takes the concept of time travel and stretches it to brilliant effect. But above all the skill, there is a huge amount of heart here. If you don’t cheer when George McFly knocks out Biff Tannen then you simply don’t have a heart.

9. The Untouchables

This bombastic and thrilling version of the pursuit of Al Capone from Brian De Palma pays scant attention to the true history of Capone’s fall but delivers unrivalled action scenes. Sean Connery deliver one of his best late career performances as he thunders around the film, harassing and cajoling the make shift set of treasury agents into a unit tough enough to take on the corrupt system and all powerful criminal overlord. It is a film lavished in expense with big names throughout the credits, script by Mamet, score by Morricone, even down to costumes by Armani. The expense works though and there are few better straight action films.

8. E.T. The Extra Terrestrial

Amongst the greatest children’s films ever made. The simple, heartfelt relationship between Elliot and E.T. speaks to everyone and drives the film. It has become the quintessential children’s live action film and the fact that it is still regularly shown and enjoyed 30 years after its release speaks to its enduring quality. However, what’s really remarkable is that it offers so much to grown up viewers as well as children and it genuinely rewards multiple viewings.

7. The Naked Gun

Airplane might have basically created the spoof genre but The Naked Gun perfected it. A relentless stream of gags delivered in scattergun style that reveals previously unseen jokes with almost every viewing, Naked Gun is an experience as much as a film. In many ways, it would perhaps have been better for cinema had it failed as its critical and commercial success has led to innumerable poor attempts at capturing the same spoof magic. The Naked Gun and, to a lesser extent, its sequels made spoofs look like the easiest films to make, but with every failed copy the original grows in stature.

6. Die Hard

In a similar way to The Naked Gun, Die Hard is so good it created its own genre. Since Bruce Willis battled supposed terrorists in Nakatomi Plaza we’ve had Die Hard on a boat (Under Siege), Die Hard on a plane (Passenger 57), Die Hard at an Ice Hockey game (Sudden Death) and Die Hard with some god awful plot about cyber terrorists (Die Hard 4.0). Again like Naked Gun, all these imitators have one thing in common: a complete failure to replicate the magic of the original.

It could have all been so different, Frank Sinatra and Arnold Schwarzenegger turned the role of John McClane down and Bruce Willis was chosen despite strong objections from some elements of the studio. In the end, Willis makes the film as his portrayal of a tough everyman is tinged with weakness. He ends the film limping, covered in his own blood and aching from every limb. Whilst Die Hard obviously pushes the bounds of credulity it is still constrained by them, fights hurt, bullets kill, and broken glass cuts. The genius of the film is to ally this more realistic violence with a touch of comic absurdity in the actions of the police and FBI outside the building which helps alleviate some of the tension.

However, no discussion of the merits of Die Hard can forget the beating heart of the film around which all the other strands are woven; Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber. He is funny, calm, ruthless and evil. Rickman’s rich voice lends a touch of crisp intelligence to what could have been a standard villain, and the film is careful to make him seem almost always in control even as his plan slowly unravels. He is funny and clever enough to enjoy whilst still being dangerous enough to root against.

Action films are, by their nature, limited movies but none has ever been, or will ever be, better than Die Hard.

5. Amadeus

Genius is a hard thing to comprehend. It sees the world in a fundamentally different way to the rest of us and makes a mockery of our collective understanding of it. It is this quality that is examined in Amadeus by reflecting on the rise of Mozart through the medium of a merely talented composer.

It has often been pointed out that the film pays little attention to reality, but this is a film about the concept of genius rather than Mozart himself. In the film, Mozart is a world altering talent but with little concerns for the morals of the times. F. Murray Abraham as Salieri, one of the great screen performances of all time, cannot comprehend this fundamental mismatch. Mozart’s brilliance makes him question not only his talent but his system of beliefs as well. He views the young composer as a morally dubious individual who has somehow been rewarded with supreme ability by God. Salieri’s feelings of bitter jealousy and attempts to belittle or destroy Mozart replicate the common reaction of people to genius and it makes the viewer realise why so many are more appreciated after their deaths when their contemporaries dismissed them.

Amadeus is a magnificent film, taking a completely unexpected angle on Mozart’s life and being so much more than a historical biography. Perhaps its finest achievement is to capture the scope and scale of his music, and makes even viewers with no education in classical music understand his talent.

4. This is Spinal Tap

There’s a point during this film where it almost stops being a movie and turns into a list of famous lines but that’s reflective of the impact it’s had on popular culture. An endlessly quotable, incredibly funny, and cleverly styled film it is undoubtedly one of the best comedies ever made.

Stylistically, Spinal Tap is also important as the first film to really perfect the mockumentary format and its huge influence on comedians can be seen in the style’s increasing use throughout comedy in the subsequent decades. Similarly, the use of pretentious idiots has become more commonplace in part in reaction to their superb use here.

3. Once Upon a Time in America

Sergio Leone’s last film is one of the finest crime films ever made. This finely crafted 3 hour plus (depending on your version) epic might tell the story of a set of gangsters across four decades but it also tells a story of America. It tells of a country of opportunity which suffered from dominant criminal empires for many of its formative years and which made a desperate post war lunge for respectability.

It’s not for the faint hearted with its gargantuan length and frequent violence, some of it sexual, however it is worth sticking with as it delivers a satisfying cinematic experience that you will be hard pressed to find anywhere else. It is a five course meal of a film, telling a story of friendships from children to old men and with a depth of character that makes the investment of time well worth it.

Leone remains amongst my favourite directors, with three of my favourites amongst his small oeuvre of only seven films. This is his masterpiece and a masterpiece of cinema.

2. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

The best Star Wars movie. If you need anymore:

Hoth

AT-ATs

Yoda

Boba Fett

Cloud City

Lando

“I know”

Carbonite

Severed hand

“I am your father”

Iconic shot, rising music. Fin.

1. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Sean Connery makes almost everything better. I have always preferred this final film in the Indiana Jones series (yes, I said final), because of the father son relationship which adds an extra dimension to Indy himself. By the end of the film he is no longer just a wise cracking hero but a person with relationships and a fake name. I would also say this is the funniest of the Indy films, from the whole wonderful opening sequence with young Indy to breaking the floor of the library in time with the librarian’s stamp right up to the trilogy’s final revelation.

Of course, Sean Connery is the highlight. He adds something to every scene he’s in and his relationship with Indy is perfectly pitched as an awkward mutual respect hidden beneath layers of parental disapproval and childhood shame. He also takes down a fighter plane armed only with an umbrella. If you know me I may have mentioned this before, but it’s one of my favourite sequences in film.

The eighties generally were an era of relatively innocent, fun films when film makers largely abandoned the paranoia and cynicism of the previous decade. It’s also a decade when Spielberg, Lucas and Ford where dominant figures, especially at the box office. The Last Crusade could only really have been made in that decade, so it’s not only a great film but specifically a great 80’s film.

Caught in a Trap: The Modern Sports Fan

The last decade should be regarded as a sporting golden age. In that time a fair argument could be made that fans have seen the greatest club football team come to dominate Europe, while the greatest national football team ever assembled fundamentally changed the sport. Possibly the best three tennis players ever to have played the game have fought personal duels over multiple  of Grand Slam finals, while one of the greatest rugby union teams ever assembled finally won a world cup. Eight years ago, two of cricket’s heavyweights slugged it out in what was widely acclaimed as the greatest test series ever played. In athletics Usain Bolt has redefined what a human body can achieved whilst entrancing the world with once in a generation charisma. In American Football, Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, and Peyton Manning have ushered in an era of offensive dominance through sheer passing power while in baseball Boston Red Sox broke the Curse of the Bambino in one of the greatest turnarounds in sport. In swimming Michael Phelps won a record number of Olympic gold medals.

Wherever you look, across a wide range of sports there are figures of revolutionary brilliance, singlehandedly changing what is deemed possible and how the game is played. These are absurd times and will be remembered as such for years to come, and yet to truly enjoy the times fans have to close their ears to the incessant whispers of suspicion. In no era have elite athletes been so scrutinised based on their choice of doctor and never has a passed drug test invoked such suspicion. There are many causes for this environment but one stands out above all others.

There is, of course, one achievement left off the above list, one that no longer exists even in record books. Lance Armstrong capped the greatest sporting story of all time by, not just winning but, dominating his seventh Tour de France in 2005. The whispers were present even then, so much so that his acceptance speech was an attack on all those who had accused him. He told them he was “sorry you don’t believe in miracles.” It is, therefore, fitting that his sporting legacy is to kill the miracle. When 16 year old Ye Shiwen stormed to 400 and 200m medley gold medals at London 2012 an American coach verbalised the silent fears of many by raising the spectre of doping. It was an unfair and widely criticised attack but it was also a sign of the times. Miracles don’t happen and 16 year old girls don’t swim 50m faster than male Olympic athletes.

The manner of Armstrong’s deception has made the damage so much worse. He evaded drug testers for years by managing his life around deceiving them. He received advanced warning of testers, hid needles in Coke cans, and lied his way out of a failed test. For years he was the most tested athlete on earth, the holy grail of the anti doping police and yet he remained free to commit his crimes and steal his victories. The damage done to testing has been devastating. Passed drug tests mean nothing when the greatest cheat in sporting history was caught with witnesses not blood. Marion Jones was famously the first athlete to ever be banned for drugs without failing a test but it is now a familiar occurrence. It casts suspicion on all athletes, creating a time when the absence of proof becomes proof in itself. In the midst of this mess Spanish police uncovered tens of blood packs as part of Operation Puerto, silent witnesses to uncaught cheats which may now be destroyed rather than investigated.

The whispers would matter less had they not been proved so right in the Armstrong’s case. The years between 2000 and 2013 saw a titanic battle for the soul of cycling between those journalists who saw nothing but a cheat in Armstrong and those who bought into his cult of personality. Armstrong himself was a large part of this battle, confronting and attacking his growing legion of doubters. It made his believers all the more sure, all the more betrayed. The battle became cruel and bitter as his return to cycling was described as an end to cycling’s “remission” and that the “cancer of cycling” had returned. All the time he was defended by people now unable to believe anyone’s self defence. It has given all conspiracy theorists the faint air of respectability. Right too often to be stopped clocks, they are instead the realists, those who can see beyond the superficial brilliance of so many. They exist in a world without heroes, only a list of the yet to be caught.

The case of Armstrong introduced a new term into the sporting vernacular, omertà. It is the all pervasive silence of the peloton which protects cycling from outsiders with questions and from insiders with truths to tell. Perhaps a belief in the honesty of competition was naive, but now it is simple idiocy. The omertà is the final spit in the face to all honest fans. It’s a tacit admission that, while fans may want genuine competition, the athletes would not let something as important as a bike race up to chance. Instead the result is determined beforehand by the quality of your chemist. Years after the fact, Armstrong’s colleagues lined up to confess their and his sins. It was apparently the peloton’s open secret and cyclists admitted bullying out of the sport those competitors who spoke out in favour of clean racing. The omertà is the painful truth that a sport lied to its fans and lied in full knowledge. But its damage is worse than that. The omertà is a clear message to fans. To the athletes, the fans don’t matter, they don’t need to know and athletes themselves must be protected over all other interests. The fans are excluded, reduced to being inhabitants of Plato’s cave, watching the shadow competition on the wall for so long they have forgotten what genuine contest is.

Armstrong wasn’t just a winner, he was a dominant animal. He surveyed the Tour with the air of a conquering general. It was a form of brilliance utterly without parallel in his sport as the Tour ceased to be a sporting event but became a month long victory parade for cycling’s one true King. Now, like all former Kings the ghost of Armstrong wanders amongst his former top table. Team Sky are left unable to enjoy their celebratory champagne as they yell at empty chairs. “We are clean,” they scream, “we are different,” they plead as their congregation looks on with pitying silence. Their madness is compounded by the curious parallel world they inhabit where they are celebrated more in failure than in success. If they can crack, if they can lose, if they’re weak; then they might be real. It is sport’s saddest truth; Armstrong killed brilliance.

Once longevity was proof, but that has been discarded now. Now any competitor is a future Armstrong, if he can be guilty then anyone can be guilty. It is the suspicion that hangs over all achievements. Perhaps no one can be that much better than their rivals, perhaps humans can only do so much. Harder, faster, better, faker. Instead sports fans are left to look at cycling’s hollow victories and ponder the damage a failed test could do to their sport. A presenter of the Football Ramble idly joked about Barcelona’s doctor but what if they were cheating? What would become of tiki taka? What if Federer, Nadal or Djokovic were doping? Could tennis survive? And the greatest fear, what if Bolt was a fake? Could sport recover? The man who saved athletics would be the man who killed competition.*

We don’t want to think these thoughts, we don’t want these people to be cheats but the fear remains. This is a fear not just of cheats, but of success itself. If one man is too good, if one man becomes our sport incarnate; what if he were just another Armstrong? We live in an age where Tours de France remain without a victor as a clean cyclist cannot be found to acclaim. An age where baseball records may be asterisked as potentially unclean and where 99 blood bags sit in Spain under the custody of a court as legal battles continue to see if their secrets will be revealed. This is the house Armstrong built, it is made of cards and I fear an oncoming storm.

*To be clear, there is no suggestion any of these people are drug cheats.

Reflections on … the Ambleside to Grasmere Coffin Route

The two hour walk from Ambleside to Grasmere via Rydal is a gentle trip heavy with historical significance. For hundreds of years the only consecrated ground in the area was St. Oswald’s Church in Grasmere meaning that Ambleside’s dead would be taken on a final journey round Rydal Mount and past White Moss Common.  So called coffin routes are a common feature of rural Britain, appearing as central parishes tried to retain control by withholding burial rights from outlying churches. In the case of the Ambleside to Grasmere route it now exists as a public bridleway and is frequented by less mobile walkers glad for its moderate inclines.

The Lake District is a place as untouched by modernity as anywhere in the industrialised Western world can manage meaning these odd relics of vastly different times can still exist in some form.  When a modern walker, following the route, steers off the tarmac scar of the A591 just after Ambleside, they stroll through a camping ground and past Rydal Hall, now converted into a hotel and tea room. The tourist trade sustains the area almost single handed, and businesses are keen to drive every opportunity but amongst the throng of wi fi enabled cafes selling lattes and paninis remains hints of a rural tradition. The path takes in the home of the Rydal Sheepdog trials, and sheep farming is common throughout the valley. The traditional Herdwick sheep are ubiquitous, looking on with something approaching bemusement at the hordes of walkers traipsing across their fields.

The walk is also a reminder that this is a place that inspires art as it takes in two of Wordsworth’s homes as well as a more recent woodland sculpture walk and an intriguing ‘Art Yurt’. For both the contemporary art and crafters and the Lake Poets, the area represents an escape. For one it is from the modern world, and for the other the rapid industrialisation of Britain. Wordsworth lived through the Industrial Revolution and escaped it by heading to the Lakes; the inhabitants of the Art Yurt have seen its ultimate effects and similarly seek the timeless calm of Cumbria. The Lake District encompasses the kind of pocket sized wonder that Britain specialises in and Bill Bryson once espoused. It’s natural beauty that is comprehendible and personal. The beauty of the fells and tarns is on a scale that fits to the human imagination and doesn’t bludgeon the individual with the scale of nature. Peaks can be conquered, Lakes circled and views memorised. For me, these views represent childhood holidays, roadside cooking and my first experience of wonder, for Wordsworth they inspired poems of death, separation and grief. Like the surfaces of the tarns, the views reflect the beholder.

After Rydal Hall the walk continues beneath the craggy face of Nag scar and presents views across Rydal Water and towards Loughrigg. Here the walker is reminded of the purpose of this archaic trail. A flattened stone sits to the side of the path, worn smooth through use and time. It is often used now as a bench by weary travellers but once it was a penultimate resting place for the inhabitants of Ambleside. A moment of rest for coffin bearers on the weary trudge towards St. Oswald’s is now a poignant reminder of the difficulty of this trip for the original users. It is perhaps a symbol of our humanity that these are the lengths we are prepared for to give proper respect to the dead. The importance of a proper end would only matter to a species that sees life as more than just a temporary state of being. The ancient followers of this path were fathers, mothers, sons and daughters, with lives and hopes, beginnings, and endings. Social beings all, with ties to this environment and their community.

The path finally descends past Dove Cottage and winds towards the middle of Grasmere. Nowadays it passes shops selling postcards, fridge magnets and distantly created fudge within local packages before reaching its final destination in the shaded churchyard of St. Oswalds. Here amongst the dead of Grasmere, Ambleside, Rydal and elsewhere lies the gravestone of Wordsworth. A genius whose timeless words have been passed from human to human for over a century and yet still speak to each reader as if written by their own hand.

The coffin route reminds the walker of the shared bonds of humanity that stretch across time and place. There is something universal in the lengths these old Cumbrians would go to bury their dead, in the simple wonder that the Lake District can inspire and in the literature created by Wordsworth and his like. It is, appropriately, a humbling and quiet journey through some of Britain’s most green and pleasant lands.